Happy Bulleting

I will tell you what I will do. I will write down my plan for the next ten days so that if you never see a post again on this blog and you are tempted to conlude that I died and all, you shall at least have enough knowledge to figure out why I died.

I shall pretend to work in office all day tomorrow. If I feel like, I might also do some real work, but that depends. In the evening I shall catch a cheap flight for Delhi and if Neelabh is gracious, shall have some booze and all that at his place. Friday morning I will run away with Neelabh’s Bullet and shall drive all the way to Gwalior – only about 320 Kms away from Delhi. Two of my best friends are getting married in Gwalior the next day, you know. One is a guy and the other is a girl. So I shall be dancing and all that on Saturday to the tunes of ye desh hai veer jawaano ka and other such misplaced but hot numbers that those colourful band-parites peform. On Sunday, whenever I can get up, I shall leave to say hello to some statues of Jhansi ki Rani. Jhansi is about 100 kms from Gwalior and this time around, Tiwari would be with me on the same bike. I plan to narrate the full Jhansi ki Rani poem somewhere in the town – and plan to narrate it out loud, probably in front of some statue of the Rani. Monday morning is gonna be sexy (quite literally) because about 200 kms of early morning bike ride shall transport us to Khajuraho. I hope those bitches out there carved out in the temples of Khajuraho, posing nude and all, do turn me on. After being sexually satisfied by the erotic stones, we shall try to reach Bandavgarh by evening, that’s just 250 km from Khajuraho.

Bandavgarh is a reserved forest park – so it has elephants, tigers and all those wild and dangerous beasts roaming around here and there. I hope we are able to do some elephant safari. It would really be awesome if we are able to spot a tiger sunbathing in open. I have this feeling that sitting atop an elephant, spotting with my naked eyes, naked tigers lying in the open right below is going to be much more erotic than watching those nude babes of Khajuraho.

Alright, so Tuesday evening, after having enough mangal in the jungle, we shall leave for Varanasi which is only a little more than 200 kms away from Bandavgarh. In all possibility, we may have to take a night halt at Rewa and continue the ride to Varanasi only on Wednesday morning. But whatever the case be, Wednesday is all booked for this holy city – that’s for sure. I will see if I survive a dip in the dirty Ganges water – I just hope that the water is only dirty and not cold.

Thursday morning, the two of us, purified by the dirty water of ganga maiyaa, shall leave for Allahabad which is like 125 kms from Varanasi and after figuring out where exactly is Bachchan’s house, we shall try to reach Lucknow by night – another 200+ kilometers.

Friday is gonna be spent in Lucknow. We have a guide there in IIM L who shall get us paan and Lakhanwi Biryani and tell us what all kothas to visit in the city of norh Indian Nawabs. If possible, shall try to spot Sanjay Dutt roaming around asking for votes and all that. If not possible, I shall mimick him on the streets of Lucknow.

Saturday is going to be a short and sweet drive to one and only Agra – that’s only a little more than 350 Kms from Lucknow. In Agra, Tiwari and myself shall shag over that shining white Mahal, until our balls bleed. If we have tea in Agra, I shall insist that we are served only Taj Mahal tea. The only sad thing about Saturday is going to be departure of Tiwari. The bastard shall leave me all alone. He has a train to catch for Hyderabad.  I guess I would simply crash off in some cheap hotel and dream about mughal love stories and all that. Next day – Sunday, I shall return to Delhi, without Tiwari to give me company in the last 200 Kms of the journey. Vivek Vineet, an old school ka dost has promised to show up at Neelabh’s place on Sunday – so we can have some good booze again. Monday morning I shall fly back to Bhubaneswar and most probably shall directly rush to office.

Umm, well, that’s pretty much about it. Happy Bulleting to me.