Once again, the mind is full of thoughts, impulses, internal forces, unconnected lines. And once again, I have the desire to write, as clearly as I can, trying to make sense of all the chaos that’s running inside.
First things first. I am back to Bhubaneswar.
Yesterday evening I left Deoghar – the small town where my parents stay, to Patna – the capital of Bihar where my grandparents stay (and where I stayed from childhood till class X). Let me confess that I traveled in an AC train. Let me also confess that I took a taxi to reach home, and that I reaced, only a little after 11 in the night. As I sit right now, typing away this post, the AC of my room is still off. I have kept the resolution (if I may be allowed to use this term) so far. Why then, did I not travel in general class yesterday? I am smart enough to come up with answers to defend my decision. I choose not to do that. Same goes for taking a taxi. I remember the last time I visited Patna, I walked all the way from station to home. In fact, if you go check that post out, you will see that I totally refused to acknowledge the existence of taxis! So what happened to me yesterday? Am I becoming a man of only words and no action?
It is not the correct time to answer it. For the time being, I just want this question to prevail without looking for any answer.
Today morning I got up at 4:30 AM, finished the Pooja Recital by 6:50 AM, boarded my flight at 9 AM to reach Bhubaneswar, via Delhi. Today is Ashtmi. Dad must have done his recital without me today in Deoghar. I am sure he would have missed me, as much as I missed him today morning, as I sat alone in front of a Durga statue in my grandpa’s room. Like all these days, I could feel nothing. It was all a mechanical act where I read the shlokas, one after another, pages after pages. It simply was easy to do this routine than not do it, in turn upsetting (or so I fear) dad or even grandpa.
Wouldn’t a nicer way to show humbleness to God be to serve a human being in need? Even as I don’t know what exactly to tell my dad, I already know that unless he reads my posts, and we have a discussion over this issue, I will, by default, do my pooja tomorrow (the last day of pooja). All for his faith.
I need to write more, and so I shall return soon. Happy Dushehra to everyone. May God bless you all.
One reply on “May God bless you all”
i think its fairly OK for a human to have desires…i cant imagine a life widout desire…so wen u desire to travel in an ac train compartment and sometimes desire an AC-less home environment both are perfect OK choices to make as far as ur usage is not excessively unsustainable to the environment or injurious to ur health or of those in ur vicinity.
happy dasara 2 u too!
must b exciting to start work after a well deserved break 🙂