I would have been making a Shitoon right now because I have an idea for a new joke, you know. I am writing this post instead. This is one thing that Salinger does to me. He makes me write. I was reading Catcher in the Rye long back – last month may be. It was a small book so I could have finished it then only. But the pirated version had a problem – it had blank pages. After having read about 100 pages, I realized that every once in a while, a pair of pages would go blank! It was so irritating. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to skip pages just for the heck of finishing the book. It was then that I decided to pick an original from somewhere. I couldn’t find it anywhere – I tried only in the Oxford bookstore though. There aren’t more bookshops in Bhubaneswar anyway. It was only few days back, this Sunday actually, when I finally found out this cute book in the shop and oh boy, did I jump with joy! And it was only few minutes back that I finally finished it. And then I felt like writing myself – this is one thing that Salinger does to me. He makes me write.

Wild Hogs – everyone should watch this movie. It’s not too great or mind blowing or insanely funny or anything like that. But everyone who is planning to do a crazy bike-trip and all should watch it – Wild Hogs. The movie is sweet and cute, you know. There are like four friends, all ageing and all that and getting sick of their lives and then one day they generally decide to go for some bike trip without any plans and stuff and without their wives. Since it’s a movie, very funny things happen and of course in the end it’s all goody goody and all that. I mean I laughed a lot as I saw it being shown on Star Movies. I sometimes felt like crying too even when the movie never really tried to be too senti. But I felt like crying anyway. Bike trips and friends and all that – such things make you feel like crying when you are away from such things, put up in a guest house built on a 10 ft by 10 ft island in the middle of the Pacific. I am not saying that Bhubaneswar is so small and that there’s sea water all around, but it feels nice to crib anyway.

The awesome thing is that I am myself going on a crazy bike-trip in less than ten days. It’s not that I got inspired by Wild Hogs or anything. Hell, it wasn’t even my own idea. It came from Tiwari. Such things come from Tiwari, you know. He is normal otherwise but somtimes he comes up crazy plans and you have to love him for that. I would love him anyway but I like him so much more when he proposes a crazy plan like riding a bike for like ten days. Back in my second year in IIT, this guy proposed that he, me and Anshuman should go cycling from Insti to Mahabalipuram – that was like 80 Kms to and fro. Myself and Anshuman acted like bastards you know – we said yes, yes, let’s go, let’s go and then we never really went. And then one night Tiwari came to us and told us he was coming back from Mahabalipuram. He told us he went all alone on his Hero Hawk a friend’s borrowed bicycle in the morning and returned back alive. Suddenly he was like the man and we felt like pussies. I don’t know about Anshuman but I certainly felt like a pussy you know. I also felt bad that he had to go all alone and all that. So in the next few days – the three of us finally went together cycling to Mahabalipuram – and even made a video with some random rock music and all that after coming back. You know what, we started this trend soon – junta in insti started taking this trip. I don’t know if they still take such trips at IIT, but anyway, it was Tiwari who started it. Such things come from Tiwari, you know. He is normal otherwise but somtimes he comes up crazy plans and you have to love him for that.

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Just when I had entered the auto and just when I was about to think about the food that needed to be cooked yesterday night, Prachi called up to tell me that she was booking tickets for the 10 pm show. Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na. I ate cake and aloo-tikki and rasam-chaawal at her place. It has become a habit these days to figure out what goes into these food-items and if unable to figure out, ask those who cooked them.

‘What is the special ingredient in this sambhar?‘, I asked Guru who had cooked and brought rasam from her house and who later joined Prachi and myself for the movie.

‘Love‘, she replied.

So true! When you cook anything with love, it almost always tastes special. Man, why do I have to end up talking about cooking in all the posts? Why should the world be interested in knowing that Tiwari and myself made maggi for ourselves for the morning breakfast? Does the world at least want to know how I liked the movie?

The movie was not a let down. But at the same time, it wasn’t a kickass or special movie. You obviously don’t feel the way you felt when you came out after watching MunnaBhai (both parts) or TZP. At the same time you won’t come running out, relieved to be outside the hall finally. I guess this movie was simply past my maturity level to like it the way we like movies sometimes but I am sure the teens might love it. The guy and the girl both are cute and both act well. I guess thats about it. Work time now. Muaah.

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Rakesh Roshan is producing a movie called Krazzy 4. I am sure the movie would do better business if RR renames it to ’Chaar chutiye’ instead. Jokes apart, I was happy to realize that this man is finally making a movie which doesn’t have Hrithik in it, well, at least till the credits start rolling. Yeah, RR could not resist the temptation to totally devoid the movie of his son’s latke jhatkes. So last-last mein, he put up an expected Hrithik item number. Sigh!

Talking about movies, U me aur hum releases today. What is it with movie names these days yaar? ‘What is that Mr. and Mrs. Devgan film that’s coming shortly?’, a friend had asked some time back. I ended up throwing all possible names to her;

Tu, mai aur hum
Mai, tu aur hum
Tum, hum aur…naah..
Hum, tum aur… hum!
Humloge

Finally, she figured out the actual name to the relief of both of us! Talking about U me aur hum, I am kinda sorry for Kajol ‘coz she lost her father yersterday. Bad timing. By the way, here’s a quick one: if RR made U me aur hum, what would he call it?

 

Krazzy 3

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Sweeney Todd is a kid movie which no kid can watch. The movie is like a gory nursery rhyme. The costumes, the lighting, the cinematography, the music, the acting, the direction, everything is brilliant. But what the fuck is the story? A psychopath starts killing people generally till as expected, he himself is killed? Everyone says, don’t watch the movie for the plot. I ask why?

You might like everything about this movie because everything is very classy. For example, the way Depp and Carter have delivered their lines is totally more than impressive. But you cannot like the movie as a movie because the plot is outright kiddish. In fact I refuse to call it a movie. It is a visual abstract art which is very charming but at the same time makes absolutely little sense. Whatever.

For me, the best part of watching this movie three days back at Sathyam was the intermission. I ran into Jo who plays my girl-friend in Karma, and Ashwin under whom I had one my internship about two years ago. And oh, by the way, I walked down from Sathyam to my hostel alone. Aise hi, felt like walking alone.

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BLEEKER
You’re mad. Why are you mad?

JUNO
I’m not mad. I’m in a fucking great mood. Despite the fact that I’m trapped in a fat suit I can’t take off, despite the fact that everyone is making fun of me behind my back, despite the fact that your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday…

BLEEKER
Katrina’s not my girlfriend! And I doubt she was actually giving you the stinkeye. She just looks like that all the time.

JUNO
Whatever. Have fun at the prom with Soupy Sales. I’m sure I can think of something way more cool to do that night. Like I could pumice my feet, or go to Bren’s dumb Unitarian church, or get hit by a ten-ton truck full of hot garbage juice. All those things would be exponentially cooler than going to the prom with you.

BLEEKER
You’re being really immature.

JUNO
What?

That’s not how our thing works! I hurl the accusations and you talk me down, remember?

BLEEKER
Not this time. You don’t have any reason to be mad at me. You broke my heart. I should be royally ticked at you, man. I should be really cheesed off. I shouldn’t want to talk to you anymore.

JUNO
Why? Because I got bored and had sex with you one day, and then I didn’t, like, marry you?

BLEEKER
Like I’d marry you! You would be the meanest wife of all time. And anyway, I know you weren’t bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV. The Blair Witch Project was on Starz, and you were like, “Oh, I want to watch this, but we should make out instead. La la la.”

JUNO
Forget it, Bleek. Take Katrina the Douche Packer to the prom. I’m sure you guys will have a really bitchin’ time!

BLEEKER
Yeah, well…I still have your underwear.

JUNO
I still have your virginity!

BLEEKER
Oh my God, SHUT UP!

JUNO
What? Are you ashamed that we did it?

BLEEKER
No…

JUNO
Well at least you don’t have to walk around with the evidence under your sweater. I’m a planet!

Juno picks up her BACKPACK dejectedly and slides it over her shoulder. She’s about to walk away, when…

BLEEKER
Wait, let me take that.

JUNO
Huh?

BLEEKER
You shouldn’t be carrying that heavy bag. I’ll take it.

JUNO
Oh. It’s fine. What’s another ten pounds?

She turns around, wipes TEARS off her cheek (making sure no one sees) and continues down the hallway.

PS: Watch Juno. Do watch it. Wait, I guess I will offer one more textual snippet. Here it goes:

JUNO
Dad, it’s not about that. I just need to know that it’s possible for two people to stay happy together forever. Or at least for a few years.

MAC
It’s not easy, that’s for sure. Now, I may not have the best track record in the world, but I have been with your stepmother for ten years now, and I’m proud to say that we’re very happy.
In my opinion, the best thing you can do is to find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think that the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.

JUNO
I sort of already have.

Watch the movie. Will you?

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Fuckmax. Kickass. Studd.

The last action movie that I saw before this was Die Hard 4.0. Bourne Ultimatum is 10 times better than DH4.

For those who have already watched Bourne Identity and Bourne Supremacy

What are you waiting for? Go watch it now.

For those who haven’t seen the first two in series

Matt Damon is a good actor, I agree. But the Bourne series to him is what the Bond movies were to Sean Connery. He has rocked in all three of them.

One of the finest action movies I have ever seen! There are various kinds of action movies. There are those XXX and Die Hard and Transporter types which are just another extension of Bond-inspired-flicks (the latest Bond movie is a total exception). Then there are movies like Matrix which blow over your head by making your imaginations run wild. There are many more categories like Action+Comedy combined, or one of those video game level movies like those from the District series.

But, the category that I like most is the one where thrill is the basic element. They are the kind of movies, which aren’t just a bunch of action sequences, beautifully weaved into a full length feature film. They have more to them. I am talking about movies like Paycheck or Italian Job which are so thrilling that you don’t get time to blink your eyes. The Bourne series belongs to this category, and this third and final part is as good as the earlier ones, if not better. It is totally studd. The movie is extremely fast (never ever slows down!), keeps you high on adrenaline all the time (right from the opening scene), doesn’t generally show totally out of the world stunts (which are nice to watch but make things difficult to digest) but doesn’t lack nice action sequences either. A movie like this, when finally gets over, makes you wish it had went on for some more time.

Let me just repeat.

Fuckmax. Kickass. Studd.

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