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And so I get resltess…

So it’s been quite some time that I quit the corporate life though not long enough that I cannot go back to it (but yes, with each passing day it will only get more difficult and more than difficult, it will become pointless to get back, if it isn’t pointless enough already). I usually don’t like writing long sentences mostly for the fear of screwing up the grammar at which I am certainly not all that great and yet today I just feel like writing never ending sentences. Because who gives a fuck to grammar anyway. Or to spelling miskates. Or to cliched attempts at misspelling.

Tonight is yet another night when I am restless. Because I simply cannot clearly see what lies in the near future. The next ten years. What I know for sure is that I will not have to keep fighting for promotions and increments and keep trying to become a partner before anyone else who started with me. And that’s already a good thing. But that’s not good enough. As I started picking up skills at storytelling (by virtue of securing cinematic wedding film assignments mostly on account of good sales strategy that worked), I decided that I should venture towards film-making. You know start with documentary types and then slowly graduate to ad film making and then over the years to making a full length feature film. And in some ways, I am working on that. And yet, the process appears slow. And not mind blowingly exciting enough. And so I get restless. Should I really move in the direction of film-making? Or shall I focus on selling myself as an actor – and let others exploit that? Best strategy seems to create few short films with me as the primary character and leverage that to publicize my awesome acting skills to grab acting job in other’s projects. Just that I am not too sure how awesome my acting skills are anyway. And I have absolutely no story that I can work on filming. And so I get restless.

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