Shita – Chapter 1

Dhratrashtra speaks

Beta Sanjay, would you please tell me what shit happened at Kurukshetra? Bata na yaar.

Sanjay speaks

On seeing the Pandavas, Duryodhana ki fat li. But he didn’t show that much on face. He went to Dronacharya (who resembles Abhishek Bachchan a lot) and started counting the star warriors on the Pandava side – Bhima, Arjuna, Satyaki, Virata, Maharathi Drupada, Dhrastaketu, Cekitana, King of Kasi, Purujit, Kuntibhoja, Saibya, Yudhamanyu, Uttamauja, Abhimanyu (son of Subhadra) and five sons of Draupadi.

After listening so many names, Drona ki bhi thodi thodi fatne lagi. Seeing this, Duryodhana tried counting studds on his side – Drona, Bhisma, Karna, Kripacharya, Asvatthama, Vikarna, Bhurisrava (son of Somadatta). Surprisingly Duryodhana remembered more names from the othere side than from his own.

Then Bhismaji blew his shankha (boodhe ne poori taakat lagi di), to signal Kaurava’s party to get ready. On listening the irritating sound of the shankha, Pandavas woke up and started adding to the noise pollution. Srikrishan started blowing shankha from Pandava side, followed by Arjuna, and then to sab chaloo ho gaye.

Dear Mr. Dhratrashtra, after a while, Arjuna got bored and spoke to Srikrishna

Arjuna speaks

Abe, dono armies ke beech me le chal ke rath khadi kar. And sun, keep it there for some time – thodi dair tashan maroonga.

Sanjay speaks

As Arujuna’s chariot stopped between both armies, he could get a closer few of those standing in the front row- he said to himself : abe, ye to saale sab mere khud ke rishtedaar hain.. shit! He started trembling – it could have been shear fear but he believed it was because he wasn’t too sure he wanted to fight with his own relatives.

Arjun speaks

Beta Krishna, ye to apne hi loge hain yaar. I am not feeling quite alright dude. I mean, why the fuck am I doing all this? Fighting for what? For kingdom? Gimme a break! We need kingdoms and luxuries and pleasures in life for our own people right? Our uncles, sons, fathers etc. etc. Then how can I kill these very people? I don’t think, killing anyone of them is gonna make me happy. Duryodhan to chootia hai, but why should I act like him? Because of these couple of chootiyas, all of us have forgotten what’s right and what’s wrong. Beta, aisa chalta raha to soon, things will get dirtier. Our women will start sleepng here and there and what not. Poori family tradition ka satyanaash ho jaayega yaar! And someone was telling me the other day that they who can’t maintain their family traditions, vo saale narak me sadte hain. Na, baba, I am not doing all this. I better let these guys kill me than generally put fight for worthless things.

Sanjay speaks

Having expressed his concerns, Arjuna went back to sleep on the back-side of Chariot.

Chapter 2>>Chapter 3

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PS: Inspired by Geeta and the guy who blogs at http://anakinturnsevil.blogspot.com (check out his Mahabharata series – totally kickass!)