Once again, the mind is full of thoughts, impulses, internal forces, unconnected lines. And once again, I have the desire to write, as clearly as I can, trying to make sense of all the chaos that’s running inside.
First things first. I am back to Bhubaneswar.
Yesterday evening I left Deoghar – the small town where my parents stay, to Patna – the capital of Bihar where my grandparents stay (and where I stayed from childhood till class X). Let me confess that I traveled in an AC train. Let me also confess that I took a taxi to reach home, and that I reaced, only a little after 11 in the night. As I sit right now, typing away this post, the AC of my room is still off. I have kept the resolution (if I may be allowed to use this term) so far. Why then, did I not travel in general class yesterday? I am smart enough to come up with answers to defend my decision. I choose not to do that. Same goes for taking a taxi. I remember the last time I visited Patna, I walked all the way from station to home. In fact, if you go check that post out, you will see that I totally refused to acknowledge the existence of taxis! So what happened to me yesterday? Am I becoming a man of only words and no action?
It is not the correct time to answer it. For the time being, I just want this question to prevail without looking for any answer.
Today morning I got up at 4:30 AM, finished the Pooja Recital by 6:50 AM, boarded my flight at 9 AM to reach Bhubaneswar, via Delhi. Today is Ashtmi. Dad must have done his recital without me today in Deoghar. I am sure he would have missed me, as much as I missed him today morning, as I sat alone in front of a Durga statue in my grandpa’s room. Like all these days, I could feel nothing. It was all a mechanical act where I read the shlokas, one after another, pages after pages. It simply was easy to do this routine than not do it, in turn upsetting (or so I fear) dad or even grandpa.
Wouldn’t a nicer way to show humbleness to God be to serve a human being in need? Even as I don’t know what exactly to tell my dad, I already know that unless he reads my posts, and we have a discussion over this issue, I will, by default, do my pooja tomorrow (the last day of pooja). All for his faith.
I need to write more, and so I shall return soon. Happy Dushehra to everyone. May God bless you all.