I think I have been holding on too much with myself. I don’t talk about my problems. I don’t speak much. I keep the philosophies that come to me, with myself. Why? Why am I afraid of sharing crappy things that come to my mind with everyone? Why is there this urge to not let the real me out in public? I am just one man. There are millions of men, and women on this planet. Then why is my image so important to me? Or anyone else?
I hate this mystery around me. I hate to hide things, not that I am great at hiding anyway.
Could it be because I have grown up in a system where words are spoken in such a way that they don’t hurt anyone? And when they do, that should be intentional?
Could it be because I have grown up in a society where we have been made to believe that certain feelings are grave sins (having the desire to have incest sex, having the desire to kill your children, so on and so forth)?
You might not like to accept it dear reader, but each one of you, just like me, lives your life in fear. Your fear helps you suppress you true desires; fear of how others will look at you. Sometimes certain desires are so fucking suppressed that you don’t even know that they exist. You feel them very slightly at times, but then you tell it to yourself: it can’t be real. You live in the fear that accepting anything that’s unacceptable even by your own standards is the most stupid thing you would do. Accepting to door ki baat hai, you don’t even genuinely believe about the existence of so many things inside you.
The real you does not exist. Neither inside you, nor inside others. Enjoy living in this artificial world. Enjoy living in fear.