I am so happy I am still alive

I never knew that the Beasant Nagar beach could look like Marina Beach ever. It had everything to do with the fact that 1st of May is the Labour’s day. The beach was so fucking full of so many people day before yesterday when the waves were behaving erratically and the beach smelled of hot and spicy corn.

People. Human beings. I have learnt so many things about them. A funny thing when you think about everyone else is that you treat yourself as someone who is so separate from those who you are thinking about. And yet, you think. I think.

I have no idea when will I see them again: all these guys and girls going home, now that the semester is over. I am not coming back. I am done. Five years. Some faces will take a long time to fade. Some faces will probably never fade.

This is not a post about all the people who I got to know in these five years. This post is about them who changed everything.

My best friend

Who was he? Or probably who was she? After five years I have no idea. A best friend is a word that sounds so much like the pseudo-name of that one person who is the next best thing that happened to you apart from your family. And yet, at times, there is no one person worth this pseudo-name. After five years, all I can say is that the term best-friend is such a myth. There is no one best-friend. There are friends. And that’s all there is to it. Or so it applies in my case.

I do remember having just one best-friend, but always for certain time-intervals. Like this guy, whose door I had opened even before he had occupied his room in my first hostel in IIT. Or like this girl who would later fall for this guy. Or this guy who had made me eat food when I had decided to die out of starvation after going almost empty stomach for almost a week.

After a point I stopped making friends. They just happened. People who liked you and saw good things in you. People you liked. They become friends. Most stay. Some drift. Who is the best?

After five years, all I can say is that the term best-friend is such a myth. There is no one best-friend. There are friends.

My girl-friends

Wish I could talk about every girl who came to my life in whatever way. Average looking girls you had a crush on but you couldn’t even propose to. Girls who looked so beautiful, you couldn’t even have a crush on them. Girls you never had a crush on, and yet you proposed to. Girls who turned you on. Girls who let you hold your their hands as you walked with them on lonely nights discussing stars. Girls you had coffee with. Girls you could never have coffee with. Girls who hit on you. Girls you wanted to run away from. Girls you wanted to run to. Girls who you never looked at, as girls. Girls you drank with. Girls who worked with you. Girls you wished could work with you. Girls who asked you to kiss them. Girls who you kissed.

But yes. I have been in every kind of relationship a man can probably have with a woman.


I know myself better now. I know how others look at me, better now. I know others better now. And yet, all said and done, how little do I know about myself, others and the way they look at me. Five years! I have seen a lot. I have learnt a lot. But the best part is, I am so sure there is so much more to be seen and so much more to be learnt. I am so happy I am still alive.

9 replies on “I am so happy I am still alive”

Three cheers to the spirit of life!!! Nice paragraph about all the girls. Excellently written 😀

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