Monoacting 2007

Lol, I got the first place for doing this:

I would like to thank the following:

Pranava, for making me see monoacting for the first time in Saarang 2007; but for her I would never have tried this out.

MGM, Porko and Mistake, for inspiring me to act (have never seen better actors).

Bhaju, for convincing me to go ahead with the role of this country bhaai who uses hindi gaalis effortlessly, and is hardly ashamed to talk about how he grew his lauda; and for dictating lines from the book, Sacred Games (by Vikram Chandra) to frame the piece.

Shanoo, Prasun, Harsha, Cuppax, Theory, Nimit, Anshuman, Naresh, Bhaju and Tiwari, for listening to the piece and giving in their valuable feedbacks.

Sample, for playing a kickass country ringtone (and for bulbing while switching it off :P).

The lovely audience who tolerated something as gross at that; I wonder if I can ever pull of a piece like this anywhere else.

Prachi, Padma, and Krithika for being my guests, inspite of being warned about the grossness of that was about to come! 😛

Cuppax, for lending his black shirt; and Theory for putting fight to get me a shirt.

Tiwari, once again for shooting the video; and Vasanth for lending his camera.

And last but not the least, Anshumani Rudra, for appreciating the fact that acting is not all about narrating lines from a movie or crying on stage; it’s more about living a character effortlessly on stage.

I might have missed some names for sure, and if I did that, I am indeed very sorry! Do lemme know and I’ll be more than pleased to give credits to you! 🙂

Update:

Here’s the script, put on request from gen guy (refer comment section of this post):

I was in love with Zoya. Suddenly I didn’t want to fast forward all the love songs in the movies. No, I wanted to soar for four and a half minutes….

Abhi naa jaao chhod k eke dil abhi bhara nahi…

The very thought of revealing my love, made me flush and tingle like I had a fever. I dint tell the boys, I dint tell anyone. I dint even tell Zoya. I just gave her diamonds, a new car, and sent her regular shipments of cash.

I am sure she understood. We spoke everyday over phone and she told me stories of her day and her excitement for the future. I listened and gave her advice and dreamed with her. In those days everything seemed possible, even a bigger lauda.

(Phone rings)

Bol,
Bhenchod, ek baar bola ke game baja daalne ka, to bajaa daalne ka,
Chahe vo CM ka saala ho ya khud CM
Agli call, bhadwe to tapkaane ke baad karna,
uske pehle kiya, to mai tera game baja daloonga,
chal phone rakh abhi.

(I hang up the phone)

I loved Zoya so much that I was determined to be bigger for her. In Bangkok I could have bought a tiger’s penis, and had it pounded into pills that promised me potency and stamina. But I was long past such superstitions. In this age of research and development I could expand scientifically. By then I was more fluent in handling the computers and I told the boys i didn’t want to be disturbed, closed the door and I searched. I had trouble with the language at first. Typing in lauda found a site for an airline named exactly that and a site about some racing car driver and another one about a drug called laudanum.

I typed in big cock. Now I got listings of dozens of sites offering pictures of enormous laudas in every color. I dint want that. I had to struggle for a few minutes until I remembered penis, from an article in the times of India about elephants and their mating habits.

Finally I found lots of sites that aroused my interest: www.100%penisenlargement.com, www.betterpenis.info, yes, much better.

So I read, and learnt and thought. I took many days to make my decision. I wanted length but I also had to have a girth. It had to be steel hard, a sleek tireless engine that zoya would love.

And then I found Dr. Rennes. A week after I began weeding out the thickets of penis size, I came about www.scientificpenis.com. The name itself was an attraction and I clicked on it right away.

Finally the true secret was right there in front of me: pump more blood in to the penile arteries. And this was achieved through a daily program of exercises, first an application of a hot compress, a towel soaked in hot water and then molded around the penis. That was followed by the main exercise, which was a milking motion, with thumb and forefinger ringed from the base of the lightly lubricated penis to the head. I tried it right then, in front of the computer, the milking I mean, not the hot towel. Yes it was true, if you drew the finger ring down the length of the semi erect penis, you could see the blood being forced to the head. I began that very evening. And after forty seven days of regular and sustained penis exercise I registered a growth of half an inch.

(Adapted from Sacred Games by Vikram Chandra)