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Shitoon 155: Satyamev ka saamna

by Amrit on May 5, 2012 at 10:00 am
Posted In: Shitoon

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Mumbai darshan

by Amrit on April 7, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Posted In: general

Khoya khoya chaand. Khula aasmaan.

I looked up, at the aasman. And then I flew. I have this new cool super-power now. I can fly. Like birds. Unlike birds, I choose not to shit when in air though.

So I flew to bandstand. From where you get a good view of the sea-link. So that I could shoot some pictures. Had Subbu and MRP as my captive models. No, they didn’t fly to reach there like me. They took a rick.

At Bandstand, we realized that the sun-rays were not quite falling on the bridge. We took few pictures anyway, but decided to return to the place later in the evening. By when the sun would have moved to a convenient position. Next we reached the Gateway of India. Subbu and MRP in a taxi. Me flying. Arrey baba, sach me.

You cannot get the complete Gateway of India structure as a background in your photo if the only lens that you are carrying is a 135mm prime. I was carrying only a 135mm prime. For the first time I felt fucked up even with a lens as awesome as this one. Gateway of India is simply too big to capture it with a 135mm unless you can get a clear view from at least 300 meters way. Which we couldn’t. A 50mm could have done the job. I do have one. But mine is with Papa, Subbu’s with Neelabh and Tiwari’s with, well, Tiwari. When at GoI, still figuring out how to crack a good picture, a fat Indian lady asked me click a picture of hers from a point and shoot camera that she had, with a firang friend of hers. I clicked their picture. And then told them their faces were hardly visible because the sun was so high up in the sky. LOL – I was telling strangers who had requested me to shoot a picture of theirs from their P&S camera, that their picture, that I had just taken had come all fucked up. They gave me a look which kind of  meant – ‘ok superman. so what do you propose?’. I told them to tilt their heads up in the sky so that the sun-rays could fall on their faces. They did that. The fat lady said – ‘wow, you have managed to make me show my double chin. Thanks’. I clicked the picture anyway. Better than the last time. ‘Here you go’, I handed her the camera and said good-bye.

Because GoI refused to fit in my frame, we started walking around South Bombay in general. Just to see if we could chance upon something nice, worth capturing. The only thing that work for us in that area was the Colaba Causeway. Where I clicked few pictures of hers. I LOVE STREETSHOPPING – I would later ruin one such nice picture with these words. Typed in Impact font. With a yellowed LOVE to match the colour of the shoes that she wore when the picture was clicked. And you thought love’s colour was red or pink. Or something equally gay.

On our way back to Bandstand, we took a break at Hazi Ali. Some nice colourful snaps I could click. With some funny poses that we could think of. Even in Hazi Ali, a young muslim passed to me his cellphone so that I could click his picture. I clicked his picture. ‘Shukriya bhaijzaan’, he said. For a moment, I thought I was Salman Khaan. Then it occurred to me that Salmaan Khaan cannot fly. And I returned to reality.

In the city of Bangalore, there lived an autovalah named Baba Khan. Or it could be Baba Jaan. Pardon my poor memory. So the story is, he happened to drop MRP and myself from MG Road to Yashwantpur station once evening. And during the course of our short journey through dusty roads of Bangalore, he told us about how his income was falling short of his family’s requirements. And how he was especially worried about his children’s studies. I had almost assumed that Baba Khaan Jaan was going to ask for extra money once the journey was over. But he didn’t. The only thing that he asked, and because we told him we lived in Mumbai, was that if we happened to go to Hazi Ali, we should seek ‘duaayein’ for his family. When at Hazli Ali, I had a word with God. And God said he would see what he could do. That’s what God says all the time anyway. But asking is our job and we should keep doing that.

By the time, we returned to Bandstand, the sun was shining just in the right direction. We took some amazing pictures. We made some nice posters later. Mostly with cliched and copied lines like ‘I create my own path’ or ‘Dreams have only one owner a time’. But if you really think about it, these very cliched and copied lines say a lot. Don’t they? :)

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Few things to share – marriage, promotion and why my life is beyond trying to become a partner

by Amrit on April 3, 2012 at 11:27 pm
Posted In: general

Last year’s highlight was the one month long mountaineering course that I did with her. Highlight for this year is going to be our marriage. Yes, the date is out. 29th November 2012. Ahmedabad. Yes, that mean’s no daaru. But cummon, you don’t believe that, do you? So come over and we will see what can be done about your thirst. Life is not all about daroo anyway.

On work front, it’s wonderful to get promoted again this year. Had heard of back to back promotions, but had never thought I was ever going to be serious enough in life to be accorded with one myself. Credit for this, if any, should go to Ali actually. More than to anyone else. Because he took work so seriously, I started taking work seriously too. And there you go. Work became interesting. And I burnt few good months of my like working like shit. The funny part is, I loved it. My work LOL, I still love my work. I find it creative and thought-provoking and intelligent and there is absolutely no doubt about it. I have to keep learning, keep evolving, keep putting different pieces together to form a clear picture that can be presented to those who pay us money. And believe me, I am getting good at all of it.

I am a manager now. Hmm. Good. Sounds kinda cool you know. Manager -> Sr. Manager -> Associate Director -> Partner. That’s how it works here. And then you can be a senior partner and stuff like that but that’s pretty much what this ladder is all about. About climbing, climbing and climbing, till yay – you are a Partner. And yet, I am sure, more sure than ever, that my life means more than breathing in and out to climb this ladder. Shaadi me photo kheenchna is better than being a partner of a leading global consulting firm, you ask? May be, you know. And I will tell you why I think like that. And why it need not apply to everyone.

In the quarter to four years of my working as a business consultant, all that I have ever worked upon, has been seen, reviewed, listened to, liked, disliked, loved, hated, read, thrown away, copied, forwarded, replied to, deleted by not more than two or three dozen people a the most. And this is my biggest problem. Very personal. Need not appear to be a problem to many. But for me, it is. The largest audience that I have ever had for a presentation (that I delivered) was probably a bunch of 100-150 odd folks in a conference hall in Los Angeles. And I was talking shit that evening anyway. Some marketing shit. That’s besides the point. The point is what it is – simply too little people to care about what I do most of the time. However creative and interesting it may be. And however much I get paid to work on it (no – I don’t get paid obscenely high either).

That’s why blogging was so much better. There was no upper limit on the number of people who could read my blog. LOL, I am sounding like I have stopped blogging since so long! But hey, have I not? I mean, fuck it man, the way I treat vatsap.com these days, I feel guilty of letting its glorious past turn into a distant history. I can only thank those who have still subscribed to it. Who still read it. Who still await the day when shit will be back. And you know what, the shit will be back. Give me a few months time and you will see it for itself. No, it’s not any impulsive vaada. It’s part of a long thought out strategy. So far, the plan has worked out. And insha-allah, if things go the way I have planned, I will be back to doing things that far more people can see, like, dislike, etc. etc.

Coming back to the question that I had raised above. Shaadi me photo kheenchna is better than being a partner of a leading global consulting firm, you ask? The answer is – yes, I will feel my life to be more fulfilling if hundreds and thousands of people watch pictures clicked by me than few dozen corporates (in formals with shaved thopda) telling me I made a wonderful presentation or say when I become a partner, my company chairman congratulating me on helping meet a target of 15 crore. Or 100 crore. Or whatever else that number be. Who gives a shit? I simply don’t want to work on things or create things which only few dozen folks will ever get to look at. Which is what I see the best that any partner can do today. It’s simply way too little to fight for. Way too less to climb for.

I want to create things for which there is not theoretical upper cap on viewership. And I don’t want to create wealth. Not saying it’s good or bad. It’s simply not what interests me – setting up a business, then expand it, then expand it further. A business enterprise is definitely an awesome creation and it does serve my purpose of working on something that has no upper limit on the number of people who can appreciate / see what you do. But it’s not my thing. I will tell you what my thing is. What my things are rather. And the list is only illustrative.

  • Shitoons – I want them to be so good that everyone starts liking shit.
  • Stories – of people I interact with, meet, hate, love. Stories of awesome things that I can do (like climbing Mt. Everest or riding a horse from Manali to Leh or playing the role of a villain in a bollywood movie). Because what would I write about if almost all the time that I have is spent doing work that is confidential? For clients who cannot be named? With colleagues who would not appreciate you talking ‘behind their back’?
  • Photographs – Shaadigrapher is just the beginning. The idea is to keep this thing financially sustainable. Financial sustainability is like ‘infrastructure’ – the underlying basic stuff without which nothing else will work.
  • And any other fucking thing which I can share with the world. Without thinking twice.

Unless I am doing things that are worth sharing on Facebook or worth blogging about or worth writing a book about, I am not sure there is any point in doing them anyway. There is no point in living life anyway.

You may please stick to your kickass stable jobs, keep paying your EMIs for your flat and your car and keep feeding and raising your kids. You may keep updating your Facebook status with ‘cool’ things like – ‘at a night club’, ‘in Goa’, ‘drunk’, ‘my new car’, ‘vacation in Hongkong Disneyland’. While I will show you guys how to live life. 24X7. Even if it may not be the best life to live. As long as its worth sharing.

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The first paid shoot

by Amrit on March 20, 2012 at 2:23 am
Posted In: events

I picked up the call. A female voice asked, is this Amrit. I said yes. Amrit the photographer?, she asked again. I smiled to myself. And said yes. Again.

I was sitting in a coffee-shop inside the Mumbai airport, waiting for my flight to Hyderabad, when this call came. When for the first time, a stranger referred to me as ‘photographer Amrit’. How nice.

Neelabh and I had a rocking time doing our first paid shoot. With our newly updated gear. It got a little hectic and tiring but now that we are going through the thousands of pictures that we have clicked, we are stunned with our own abilities! :) Do check few updates on the updated slider view of Shaadigrapher.com home page. On FB, search for Shaadigrapher and like it if you like the pictures.

I returned to Mumbai only few hours back. At about 1130 in the night. I rang the bell. She opened the door. I smiled, looked into her eyes and said – ‘I am back from my shoot darling’. And believe me it felt awesome when I said that.

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Shaadigrapher.com

by Amrit on March 7, 2012 at 7:43 am
Posted In: art

There are weddings. And then there are Indian weddings. Or Shaadis as we call them. Colourful. Vibrant. Full of stories. Stories about stolen shoes. About that mama who outperformed MJ when he danced together with the baratis. About that kaka who complained about every food-item and yet ate more than everyone else. And so on and so forth.

Neelabh and I believe these stories need to be captured the way they unfold. Naturally. Happily. But we realized most of the regular photographers weren’t doing this right. So we thought, let’s do it ourselves. And then we started doing it ourselves. Clicking pictures not for the sake of clicking because someone paid us. But for the sake of the stories we just mentioned about. For the sake of pure happiness and dhoom-dhadaka that Indian weddings are all about.

And now we have gone official. We call ourselves shaadigraphers. Check out shaadigrapher.com for select portfolio. And if you like our work, spread the word around.

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Nano ne Nissan se kaha. Are bhai, kya kaha?

by Amrit on February 19, 2012 at 3:29 am
Posted In: senseless

I like the orange coloured Nissan that one of her friend’s in Ahmedabad has. The colour isn’t orange really. It is the colour of an orange when the orange has rotten somewhat, and yet hasn’t turned black completely. And it’s metallic. That car stands out. Wherever you park it. Whenever you park it. And may be that’s why I like the orange coloured Nissan that one of her friend’s in Ahmedabad has.

I also like the bright yellow coloured Nano. Irrespective of the colour, she hates Nanos in general. I think I will at least test drive a Nano. Some day. Even if I get to ride it for a nano kilometer. Ok, bad one. Nano karte pyaar tumhi se kar baithe. LOL, bad one again.

A bright yellow coloured Nano and the kind of metallic orange colour that I described coloured Nissan where once talking to each other. I overheard.

Nano to Nissan – Jai Jawaan, Jai Nissan.

Nissan to Nano – Fuck you.

Nano to Nissan – every body want’s to fuck me.

Nissan to Nano – Fuck everybody.

Nano to Nissan – Fuck Jawaan. Fuck Nissan.

Nissan to Nano – Fuck you Mumbai meri jaan.

Nano to Nissan – why drag Mumbai between you me and Jawaan?

Nissan to Nano – you got something better to drag between the three of us?

Nano to Nissan – everything’s better than Mumbai.

Nissan to Nano – fuck everything.

Nano to Nissan – is fuck the only verb you ever use?

Nissan to Nano – never gave a fuck to it.

Nano to Nissan – I love your colour. The colour of rotten orange. On metal. And before you say anything, fuck orange.

Nissan to Nano – fuck orange.

Orange to Nano and Nissan – fuck you both.

Nano to orange – now where did you come from?

Orange to Nano – from where everything else comes.

Nissan to Orange – and where does everything else come from?

Orange to Nissan – from nowhere.

Nissan to Orange – fuck nowhere.

Nano to Nissan – fuck everywhere.

Orange to Nano and Nissan – fuck somewhere.

Nano and Nissan rolled to somewhere. Orange rolled down to somewhere else. Got more rotten. Then completely rotten. Turned black. And was thrown into a dustbin. A fucking dustbin.

As the dustbin waited for folks contracted out by municipal corporation to clear its content, it saw a bright yellow coloured Nano come park itself next to a rotting orange colour in metallic texture Nissan. And they started conversing with each other.

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